Standing Sideways by J. Lynn Bailey

Author:J. Lynn Bailey [Bailey, J. Lynn]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: new adult
Publisher: J. House Publishing
Published: 2018-01-27T16:00:00+00:00

Lunch with Tracy Earlier Today

“Livia, are you all right?”

“Just tired, Mom.”

“Did you not sleep well last night?”

“No.”

Awkward conversation.

Awkward conversation.

Awkward conversation.

Lunch over.

Monday morning calls too quickly and piles on my shoulders like a bad dream when I come to the quick—and sad—realization that I have no more pills to take. No buffer. No protection against my feelings. It feels as though there’s a snow cloud in the middle of my brain that sits and waits for me to try to think again.

I turn the alarm off on my phone and drag myself into the shower. It’s six forty-five a.m.

I wait for Jasper. His music. His, What are you staring at, Liv?

But I’m met with darkness on the other side of the door.

The snow cloud separates, and my mind slowly becomes clearer.

I called Simon back yesterday, but he didn’t answer. What did Whitney see anyway?

I rinse the shampoo from my hair.

It’s not like we’d sexted or anything. We’d kept our messages subliminal. Quiet. That’s it. Right?

I try to think, but this stupid cloud keeps me from doing so, and I don’t like it.

What could she have seen that made her flip a lid?

Simon never got back to me.

My dad is sitting at the dining room table when I make my way downstairs. He’s drinking coffee and reading the newspaper. The way he used to do.

The Before Dad.

Years ago.

Before his drinking dictated when he woke up in the morning, if he went to work, how he treated his family. Before he abandoned us.

Our eyes connect, like the time they did when I received an academic award in eighth grade. With a sea of people, Dad’s eyes linked with mine, and I knew he was proud.

But this morning, his eyes are softer, more compassionate. Like he’s giving me room to breathe without saying a word.

“Hey,” he says. “I made pancakes.”

I shake my head, and I’m not sure if it’s to shake off his nice gesture or because I don’t like pancakes anymore, and he would have known that if he’d hung around a bit longer.

“I’m good. Just taking an apple,” I say.

I reach for the door handle.

“Liv?” he asks.

I look up, and he’s turned toward me in his chair.

“Are you okay?”

No, actually, Dad, I’m not. I’m taking pills now to cope with losing Jasper. I’m taking pills to cope with you leaving us. I’m taking pills, Dad, because, somehow, taking pills is far easier than dealing with life on life’s terms. And I’m a whore who’s probably going to get called out on it today.

“Yeah.”

Quietly, I shut the door behind me, drop down the stairs, and see Simon, who’s at my car.

“I tried to call you back,” he says as I approach him.

“What did she see?” I ask, trying to push away the dread building in my stomach right now.

“Nothing really. I just brushed it off like it was no big deal and that we’d meet at Hawthorne Hill to talk about J. I told her that we had a bond that no one could understand.

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